It has not gotten easier...just more familiar. At least I recognize the signs, avoidance by sleeping or mindless TV/blogs, kinda cranky, close to tears all the time... this means I do not want to deal with the emotions of separation and change that are coming. No matter what I do things will change, children grow up and then move away...I suppose that is my job, to nurture them into adulthood but the letting go is tough.
Sean is at school right now for the last time...checking out, turning in books etc. I hope he is more excited than I am. He should be excited and this should be about him. I just feel such a sense of loss. I guess it is a bit like like losing a long time job but also like a really good friend moving away. My baby boy has been with me for 18 years!! I know he isn't leaving yet but this is the symbolic parting/ending. I will miss my clever, witty, talented, adorable, sweet boy.
I honestly can not write anymore, I feel like my heart is breaking, really, physically aching...
No-one said graduation would be the hardest part of having a baby!!
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